The Philander's Escapades
by Cranberry Octopus
Summary: In which Ino is awesome. Sakura is Sakura. And Kakashi is stubborn and kinda annoying. Sakura pointed at him accusingly. "Of course he wouldn't tell you because he doesn't tell anyone because he's an ASS." KakaSaku. Plus Ino's opinion on the side.


Hey guys! How ya doin'?  
Please don't be mad at me. It's not my fault! D:  
Okay, it is my fault.  
College sucks.  
_  
In Which Sakura Has Sex  
__(although it is not the title)_

By, moldycookies/Ever. Be. The. Dramatical

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Title: A-Sexual  
Summary: YOU HAD SEX? WHEN?  
Note: I'm sorry, but my awesome graduation hair threatened to eat me alive if I didn't post this.  
Disclaimer: Yo momma.

_Oh God_. Why? _Why_ did it insist on not going the way it was supposed to? Why wasn't the excessive amount of hair gel and hairspray working? She would have taken a shower had this been her own place but it wasn't. Oh, it definitely wasn't her place but it wasn't unfamiliar either.

She had done the unthinkable. She had done the unmentionable; she had _removed_ her unmentionables while doing the unthinkable and unmentionable. Yes, Sakura had done the nasty. With someone else. Last night, in their apartment, with them. Sure, it had been the most incredible thing she experienced, ever, but that didn't mean she could get away without any precautions -

She had sex. _She had sex_. With someone! And she liked it! But that didn't matter because she had sex! She never had sex. According to her teammates, she was legally not allowed to touch another besides them unless he was _dying_, badly.

So, going back to her hair problem. Sakura had finally decided that her sex-hair could be easily covered up by tying it back. Sure, she had never put her hair up unless she was getting prepped for surgery or looking at microscopes but only someone who was really closed to her would notice.

Luckily she was going to Ino's flower shop and since they had just started smoothing out the kinks in their relationship, Sakura was sure that she wouldn't notice.

As soon as she walked into the flower shop, Ino looked up with a smile. "Hey Forehead! I'm just finishing up a few arrangements for a wedding and - _why is your hair up_? Do you have a surgery this morning?"

Sakura inwardly groaned. Crap. Double Crap. Crap. "No, I just wanted to try something different." she lied, hoping Ino would just drop it.

Alas, she didn't and Sakura was stuck with her friend's prodding ways. "Yeah, right. You never try something different. You like order and you definitely like things to be the same."

The pinkette scoffed at her friend. "When did you start noticing so much?"

The kunoichi looked up from her arrangement and smiled at her. "When I starting caring, I guess."

Sakura returned the smile but it was quickly cut short by Ino's obnoxiousness. "Anyways, about your hair." Sakura said nothing, "Oh, come on, it's not like you're hiding sex hair or anything, right?" again, Sakura said nothing, "Right?" once again, nothing. "Right - Sakura, you're supposed to smile back and say _'right, Ino, I love you!'_ But you're not, which leads me to believe that you actually had sex and you're currently hiding sex-hair."

Sakura looked away, finding that the flowers were more interesting.

"Oh, my god! You did have sex! WHO? WHEN? HOW? Give me some answers, woman!"

Sakura crossed her arms and looked away. "I'm not telling you anything."

"Okay."

"_Okay_?" she repeated.

"Yeah, if you don't want to tell me then you don't have to tell me."

"Really?"

Ino smiled suspiciously. "Really."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Sakura, I'm sure. Now, come on, let's get these arrangements done."

Sakura nodded, bewildered by Ino's unwonted reaction to her having sex. Nonetheless, Sakura did as she was told but the nagging that Ino would just drop something like this was unnerving to her. Ino just grinned to herself. It was almost too -

"Okay, _fine_. I had sex."

Ino squealed in delight. "Okay, okay. So, was it _good_?"

Sakura sighed, "Yes and check out the sex-hair." she sighed contently and pulled on the tie.

"Woah."

"I know, but it was _so_ good."

"Focus, Forehead. Who was it?"

And just like that, Sakura clammed up. "Not a chance."

"I won't steal him, I promise!"

"No."

"But-"

"Absolutely not."

"Why?"

"Because you'll spread it all over the village!" she shouted.

"I will not-"

"Yes, you will."

"Will not."

"Will too."

"Will not."

"Will too."

"Will not - come on, just tell me!"

"Ino, I said-"

"Ah, just the person I wanted to see." a third voice said, making Sakura tense up and Ino beamed in glee.

The blond immediately leapt into action. Surely Kakashi would want to know because of his protective tendencies. "Kakashi-sensei!" she cooed, "Sakura had _**sex**_."

Ino could have sworn he just gave Sakura a disappointed look but didn't confirm it. "Did you?" he asked.

"Yes, and she won't tell me."

"That's because you'll tell everyone!"

"So," Ino began, completely ignoring Sakura. "What brings you here?"

"Ah, right." he gave both girls an eye-crease as he dug into his pockets. "Sakura, I believe these are yours." he said nonchalantly as the scandalous pair of panties dangled from his forefinger. "And I'll pick you up tonight at seven."

Ino's mouth dropped open. Sakura did the same.

"Wait, so you and Kakashi-sensei."

"Yup."

"Was it-"

"Awesome? Yes."

"Did you at least-"

"Yes."

"Bitch."

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Here's a half-sequel/prequel,  
Something remotely related to it.  
Oh, and your mom jokes.  
'Cause they're cool.

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Title: NOTHING  
Pairing: KakaSaku  
Prompt: I saw an icon! ^.^  
Note: for the moments when we just want Sakura to say "Wtf, Kakashi-sensei? W-T-F?" Sorry if this looks like I wrote this while on crack. Or mary-jo-wanna or whatever, I don't do drugs. Ha, I'm so tired.  
Disclaimer: Shut the front door!

It was moments like these when Sakura just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Seriously. Why couldn't she just crawl into a hole? Even if there wasn't one, she could always _make one_. Really. It wasn't that hard.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Ino asked incredulously. What was he doing here? He never came around this side of town unless he was looking for Sakura and the last time she checked, Sakura and Kakashi hadn't trained, for a while.

And Sakura nearly strangled her best friend to death for her tone. You would think by now that she wouldn't be surprised anymore when Kakashi just randomly popped out of nowhere and decided that he owned Sakura. Owned, being used as a loose term; like the ones people used for their 'boyfriend' and 'love of their life'.

See? Loosely used. Yeah.

Moving on.

As usual, Kakashi gave both girls his eye-crease and proceeded to greet them. "Ah, Ino-san, Sakura-chan."

"Ah, slave-driver." Sakura greeted with just as much enthusiasm.

His 'sunshine and rainbows' attitude was quickly dropped. "I resent that."

What was once a lovely arrangement made by Ino's father was slammed down on the counter. "And I resent you." she said cheekily.

Ino winced. Sakura's acid tongue was quite harsh when she wanted it to be. "Ouch, Sakura, why the acid-tongue?"

"I don't know," she began, utterly miffed, "Why don't you ask _him_?"

Ino turned toward the copy-nin. "Care to elaborate?"

"Not really-"

"Aha!" Sakura pointed at him accusingly. "Of course he wouldn't tell you because he doesn't tell anyone because he's an _**ASS**_."

"I resent that, too."

"And I-"

"OKAY, SERIOUSLY." Ino held her arms up. "When you guys are done having your lovers spat, I'll be in the backroom. Come get me when order is restored in KakaSaku-land."

"Kaka-"

"-_Saku_?"

Kakashi and Sakura both exchanged glances. Sakura glared at him; he glared back and Ino was finally done with the both of them, huffed and then left. Out of the two of them, Sakura was the first to break the silence.

"KakaSaku. Huh. Sounds kinda cute."

The copy-nin stole a glance from Sakura. "Mhmm, absolutely _adorable_."

She deadpanned. "You're staring at me, aren't you?"

Well, he was just glancing, it wasn't like - "Yes."

"Please stop."

Then he smirked. "No." he said playfully.

"Kakashi-sensei, please, it's making me uncomfortable." she whined.

"Oh, I can make you _so_ uncomfortable."

Sakura wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Ew."

"You like it."

"No," she snorted, "I really don't."

"But you like me."

"_No, I don't_."

"And I-" he bent down to whisper in her ear, "-like you."

"And I-" she abruptly sat up, "-think you're creepy."

Kakashi pursed his lips behind his mask. "Sakura, I'm serious."

"I'm serious, too. You're serious. Naruto's _really _serious. We're all serious. What's there not to be serious about? Seriously."

"You're making fun of me."

She stuffed a flower into a small vase. "Yes, that and your fear of relationships which is _why_ I do not want to pursue a relationship with you but you make it really hard when you _smile at me like that _and-" her voice cracked. "-and the way you whisper in my ear and how you get jealous when I try to look nice for a date-"

"As I should be."

"That's just it! You think you have this right because you're my former sensei or something - which, by the way, only makes this relationship way more inappropriate than it already is - but you _don't_ and you don't even care! You'll just continue this crap until I finally crack and become old and alone because if you can't have me _nobody can_!"

Somehow, Kakashi felt that he shouldn't be so endeared by how she actually knows about him but he is. And he loves it.

"Well," she urged, "Aren't you going to say something?"

"Damn right I am. First," he began, "I'm attracted to you and cannot live without you, second, you're the love of my life and Pakkun doesn't mind it when you come over. In fact, he even asks about you sometimes. Also, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with you if I didn't have to show my face all the time. And maybe, if you're lucky, I'll show you my face."

Sakura's eyes softened. "Does he really ask about me?"

He eye-creased. "Sometimes."

"And will you really show me your face?"

Kakashi grinned behind his mask, inching closer and closer to her face. "Maybe, when we're married."

"Married?"

"'Til death do us part. So, will you?"

"Be your wife? Maybe later. Be your lover? Perhaps. Be Pakkun's new mommy? Yes."

"So, am I still creepy?"

"Yes, but since you're supposedly attractive, it's okay."

"Hm, interesting."

Sakura went back to arranging a vase. "Anything else?"

"Just one more thing, Sakura. Look up."

Her brow creased in confusion but nonetheless, she complied. "Why am I-"

And that's when Kakashi sealed the deal.

"MPPH. Kakashi," she breathed, "MPPH! Please don't make me keep this a secret."

"Oh, trust me; you're going to _want_ to keep me all to yourself."

Had this been anyone else, she would have called them arrogant and perhaps annoying but this was Kakashi. And Kakashi was never annoying, just really alluring and hot, let's not forget hot.

"Besides, I don't like sharing either." He finished. Sakura merely mewled in response and planted another kiss on Kakashi's lips.

.

Hahaha, shut up.  
I'm super.  
And you know it.  
I'm hungry for some bananas…  
… Pervs.  
… Okay fine, here's another.

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Title: JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME GO ALREADY, BITCH.  
Note: I'm SORRY. I suck.  
Summary: In which Sakura has to go away to Suna for six months and Ino just can't bear the thought of it without making fun of her.  
Disclaimer: Jigglypuff.

"-and just remember to check under the bed for random animals, okay?"

"Uh, yeah, sure Ino."

"-and always remember to stay away from creepy sand-puppet guys with psychopathic little brothers-"

"Ino, we both know that Kazekage-sama has changed."

The blonde rolled her eyes, "Ugh. Can't you just call him Gaara? He's not here, you know; it's not like he's gonna pop out of nowhere and strike you down with some _mad sand powers_."

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Mad sand powers?"

"Yes, now can we move onto more important matters?"

The pinkette glanced back at the blonde. Eh, who's it gonna hurt? "Sure, about what?"

Ino grinned, "Sasuke."

"_Leaving_."

"You want to talk about Sasuke leaving, okay! Where do I begin..."

"Ino," she snapped, "I don't _want _to talk about him."

Blue eyes danced with amusement, "Okay, fine. We'll talk about Kakashi and your recent denial about having feelings for him and Sasuke at the same time!"

"Ino," she seethed, "Shut. Up. _People will __**hear you**_."

The female smiled at her friend and shrugged. "Isn't that the point?"

"Ino, what are you-"

"Ah, Sakura, my favorite student."

Sakura's eyes narrowed as she and Ino shared the same thought. She was not his favorite student and he was an ass for saying it. Both Sakura and Ino exchanged glances. "Ass." they said in unison.

"Well, I should get going-"

"Kakashi, why are you here?" his 'favorite' student interjected.

"Can't a man-"

"No." she snapped.

Kakashi frowned underneath his mask. "You didn't even let me finish."

"Your mom didn't let me finish."

Ino snorted, "OH BURN!" she screeched.

"Well maybe she was distracted by your large forehead."

Sakura gasped obnoxiously. "You did not just go there."

"Oh," he began, smiling, "_I went there_."

"EAT TABLE, OLD MAN!" she snarled violently as a table she just threw came Kakashi's way.

"Sakura!" he began to chastise. "I don't have enough funds to pay for that."

"Your mom doesn't have funds to pay for this!" she back-sassed, pointing to her ass.

And suddenly, Kakashi was glad he was wearing a mask. "Well, I do."

"You just said you - oh. _Oh_. OH - EW! _EW_! I don't my first time to be with an old-"

"First time?" Ino snorted, "Yeah right, we all know that you and Sasuke have had-"

"Sakura and Sasuke have what?"

"Uh..." she trailed, "BREAK TIME!"

"YOU'RE ON YOUR BREAK!"

"WORK-TIME THEN!"

"BUT!"

"Oh hey, Shika!"

Fight the migrane. Fight the migrane. Fight the migrane. Fight the migrane. "Oh hey, Ino." he sighed.

"Well then," Kakashi began, "We're all alone... again... by ourselves... teacher and student... with nothing but our bodies to-"

"Okay I get it!"

"So..." he eye-creased.

Sakura sighed, looked at her cold lunch and groaned. "_Fine_." she agreed, "But please don't have Pakkun there again." Then she walked away toward Kakashi's apartment.

"He's just a dog Sakura."

"Which is you, which talks and makes comments about-"

"EW!" Naruto shouted from nowhere. "MY VIRGIN EARS!"

"Dobe." Sasuke sighed; it wasn't that surprising.

"MY SAKURA-CHAN AND KAKASHI-SENSEI! HOW COULD YOU!"

"Well, actually-"

"I do _**not**_ want to know that."

Their sensei sighed and watched the duo walk away. "So..." he began casually, "We're alone... again... with nothing but our-"

"Do you want sex or not?"

Eye-crease.

* * *

A/N: THERE! I USED YOUR FREAKING DIVIDER, HAPPY?

Ugh, fanfiction is seriously PISSING ME OFF with it's passive DICTATORSHIP on my stuff!


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